Just not good enough

Have you ever felt like everything you've done, all that you've been through and all that negative emotions are just not enough to push you up? Have you ever felt like all those change for the better are just for nothing? Not being recognized for your hard work? Being forgotten in just a blink of an eye. I sure did. 

I just can't express how sad I am. Having all those feelings of past rejection(s) hit me all at once just now. I was at my lowest. Overthinking kills me. Idk why am I suffering so much when all I have done all my life is to make sure everyone is happy and see me as someone who is acceptable. Yes, I was once someone who did too much shit. I'm always trying to be someone better. But maybe my best is not good enough. 

There are others who are just better than you. Yeah, I'm never good at anything. Yeap. I don't have any special talents aside from annoying people. I can't sing, dance, play the piano or any of that cool thing that people do. Not to forget, I'm always the worst when it comes to academics. Don't even ask me how I came this far, cause I don't even know how. Always failing my subjects especially MATHS. And all of a sudden MATHS becomes a thing for not being able to be a "representative" of a certain "group". Oh wow. Since when personal personality have anything to do with academics? Never have, never will.

Want an example? Here. 

Teachers keep saying that being late for school is bad for you. It will pull your grades down. You sure? I'm not trying to boast but just giving a simple but relevant example here. I was a student counsellor, but the worst at it. My sec four year was a really hectic one. Coming late for school and doing my duties halfway. There were times where I came even later and almost missed my first class. So you're saying maths determine how much time I can contribute to this "role"? Sure. 

You know what. You win. But know this, this pain will never go away. Your simple rejection may be through words but it hurts. It hurts a lot. 

Now EVERYTIME I see you or a glimpse of you, I would just look away in disgust. 

I'm just thrashing and yes I may be out of my mind. Yes I am. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm hurt. Maybe those people fits the role better. I'm just not good enough. Not good enough for everything. 

They may be better role models but who decides if you're the best? Yourself. If you think you're not good enough, don't. If you're not good enough, you won't even be here. You won't even be able to breathe. 

The world is cruel? No. Not the world. But the people in it are. They are the ones who decides your place in "society". Whether you're cool or not. But for what fit into their profile when you're created by God Himself. And that's already a blessing by itself. That's the biggest blessing you can ever ask for. Being alive. Living like everyone else. 

CCN DAY AT TP! :)

So every year or every semester, my school (TP) will have a fund-raising event or passed off as a flea market being a better phrase, to help the needy students of the school. Every class will set up their own booth to sell whatever they can and anything they can to raise the funds.

So my class decided to have a polaroid taking booth since that's quite the most 'in-thing' there is plus the most profitable! As usual, I had to bring my camera since i'm that enthusiastic. LUCKILY, I REMEMBERED TO BRING MY BATTERY THIS TIME. THANK GOOOODDDDDDDD.

Plus everything when much better than expected and we sold ALL films! We even earned more profit than we thought we could! Good Game Guys!!
Let's not talk so much and move to the crazy pictures shall we?!?!

            

 

           

 

Jean going all out wearing this crazy mask that I brought. xD

Idk what was my son (Azlan) doing.
Oh hey! great candid of Doran! HAHA!

Damn this pic is just............. xD

The ever so crazy Leon :P

Idk who took this candid. But I will find you and I will Kill You. xD

Bro, why you daydreaming?

Amos and Shaun ~~~~

My granddaughter who didn't support my class's booth. So here's a candid picture of you. Distorted.

This guy supermodels. N the enter frame at wrong timing girl.

These two are like boyfriends for a day xD

Shaun is so sporting! x)

             

 

The ever so handsome (famous) Amos! x)

Hey ED! HAHA! Ed and his long pole :) hehehe

Why so serious

           

This shooot! :)
Another model-to-be!

Hi Jarrel! xD

             

 

This pic thooooooo

Oreo model :P

             

 

             

 

THIS MODEL HAHA! This Korean looking girl needs to be a model! Gosh Xin Yi! Go apply for a job at a modelling agency!

             

 

             

 

Ok so here comes the crazy shots! MUAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA

              

 

Why you two stand so awkward?!?!

Eh hi amos

Hey Dad!

Dad is in a dilemma, WHERE'S MUM?!?!

These two look like zombies trying so hard to be happy xD

Cause we crazy xD
This girl right here is just amazing! She's just as crazy and as out of the world as me!

Aww Iman why you so perf?!?! x)
You make me look like a real hobo

This guy right here is just a Bollywood Hero!

HERE COMES THE UNEXPECTED CANDIDSSS XD

Hi Jarell :P

One question for you Mr Amos, What did you see? *smirk*

           

 

Guess everyone just loves this mask! xD One of Ron (on the left) and Kai Jie (on the right).

..........

These two cutiesss

Another one of Amos's great expression! xD

Photo with the class and these lovely seniors, tho its not the full class n seniors!

CCN was definitely one of the great events of TP! Being able to spend it with these awesome mates? It makes everything perfect! Thank you for everything guys! For setting up everything till the end! Special thanks to cheryl for initiating the poster designs and the great props! :) ALSO TO EVERYONE! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEOPLE IN 1C1! Couldn't ask for much more better mates than you guys! :)