Stupidest shit I have ever done

Yeah. The decision that I don't know whether it's something good or bad. A decision that has now backfired onto me. A decision that I took but didn't not realise the consequences behind it earlier. A decision that is killing me inside out.

Yeah. You're probably asking what the hell I'm talking about. What decision that I took? Why is it so bad? 

The decision to get out of secondary school and get a place in ITE but then withdrawing as I was able to move to polytechnic. The problem doesn't lie on ITE or the people I met there. People I have met at ITE was one of the best people and company I could have ever asked for. 

But the real reason for really wanting to get out of secondary school (besides from studies) is because I was trying to find myself. Start over. Turn a new leaf. Have a company of most guys. To be in place. Too bad I can't undone what has been done. I can't un-feel something I have felt.

Feelings. Emotions. Sadness. 

Signs of love. Yes. I fell in love. With someone I shouldn't have. Though it was just a crush, I realise now that I have fallen in love. And now I'm regretting. 

Third day in ITE, saw this person that caught my eye. Love at first sight? Nah.. It's more of a crush. Cause now the person is no longer in my mind. Days passed by and I start to realise more and more people in class. A second crush became to arise. Yeah. I'm super shit. Crush on so many people.

Fortunately they were just "crushes" and I now have no longer have any feelings for them. That just leads to something different. I then realized how I became close to someone. Can't believe I keep thinking of the person. 

Cause sometimes..

"A Picture depicts a Relationship that was formed or is about to be" 

Means the person in the picture and the people around him or her is an embodiment of a relationship. Be it friendship or brotherhood etc. 

Day by day, feelings arises. Feelings grows. Feelings starts to take over. I was glad I was able to contain myself. 

Unfortunately, the journey for me in ITE ended after just 2 weeks. I was asked to withdraw to let other students come in and let them have my place. Although it was heart-breaking. I had no other choice. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

I guess I'm better off not there to give that person some space. Yeah. I confessed. I was a creep. I did it indirectly. Glad the person didn't really ponder on the situation much. 

I start to miss the person after each day of being at home doing nothing. I was frustrated. Scared. Unsure. Cause I know I can't confess directly or I'm dead if I did it. 

I know the person real well I think. We shared our stories and all. Too bad our "happy" friendship had to end. Leaving ITE with the person I love also is just too heart-breaking. 

Glad that sometimes I have lunch or dinner together with my clique and the person will be there. Glad I was able to get a hug. Every single time when meeting and before parting ways. I was blessed. 

To the person. If you're reading this and if you think it's about you, maybe it is. 

Too bad good things that happen doesn't last. Yeah. I have my own bad-side. The decision of "making" friends felt like the worst decision I have ever made. And making the decision to be friendly was more of both good and bad. 

I love how I met such good and caring friends in ITE. The ones that makes me laugh and all.

I hate how now I can't spend any time with them anymore. They have school. I have work (while waiting for poly). And the feeling of not being able to meet the person and the rest is just heartbreaking. 

I shouldn't have quit secondary school. I shouldn't have made friends. I shouldn't have stayed. I only disappoint them. 

I should have been more careful. 

Now I feel so sad and deep. I feel like I'm just gonna migrate to somewhere else and move on. 

To you: Whatever I said, I really mean it. Even if it is in the middle of random convos or group chats.